A Befuddling Mystery
by booklover4816
Summary: Dark Pit, on a mission, meets a strange Italian man with extensive vocabulary and his Spanish friend. Something's off about Antonio and Lovino, but neither Viridi nor Dark Pit can figure it out. Maybe Palutena knows? Rated for our lovely Romano's colorful words and a few from our favorite dark doppelganger.


Dark Pit knew many strange people (Pit was number one on that list); however there were none stranger than the short-tempered, dark haired Italian swearing colorfully at him.

"What the Hell were you thinking, bastardo?" the man growled. "Didn't your mother teach you some manners, piss guzzler?"

That was a new one. His years of roaming followed by his service to Viridi had allowed him to expand his vocabulary of useful words considerably, but piss guzzler was by far the most unique he had ever heard.

"Do you kiss yours with that mouth?" Dark Pit asked finally.

The Italian man's brown eyes widened in shock and the strange curl sticking out of his brunette hair stood on end. "What the fuck is your problem, wise ass?"

"I could say the same." the dark angel in disguise retorted. Due to the changing world, Viridi had to use her magic to disguise Dark Pit as a normal human.

Speak of the devil, Viridi's harsh voice echoed in his head. "There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you."

Dark Pit ignored her as he watched the Italian's face turn bright red. "Vaffanculo, bastardo!"

Before the angel could reply, a blur shot past him and the next thing he knew, a man with brunette hair a shade lighter than his newly acquired Italian "amico" was latched to said Italian.

"Lovi~ You look like a tomato! Eres muy adorable!" the man cried, his olive eyes bright with glee.

"Get of me, Spain, you bastard!" the Italian now identified as "Lovi" yelled as he tried to push the man he called "Spain" off. "Non sono carino! Vaffanculo!"

"Isn't Spain a country." Dark Pit asked, reminding the two men he was there.

The man called "Spain" let go and nodded. "Sí. That's just Lovi's nickname for me since I am from España. Me llamo Antonio. El es mi pequeño tomate, Lovino."

Dark Pit studied Antonio carefully. It was clear he was hiding something. Dark Pit decided to play along. "Name's Sam. I'm from Chicago."

Antonio grabbed Dark Pit's hand. "It's nice to meet you, Sam."

In the back of his mind, Dark Pit could hear Viridi laughing. "Sam?! That's the best you could come up with? It sounds like something Pit would say. Maybe he's influencing you through your super secret twin connection."

Dark Pit scowled. "Would you just shut up for a minute?!"

Antonio looked confused. "Huh? What did I say wrong?"

Dark Pit's face flushed. "It's nothing. I just thought of something my… superior would say and it pissed me off."

"Language!" Viridi growled telepathically. "You're not some kind of Underworld moron that you need to use those words."

It took every fiber of the dark angel's being not to scowl. He was aware of Lovino studying him. The short-tempered Italian didn't seem to be buying it. Dark Pit cleared his throat awkwardly. "Speaking of my… superior, I better get going. It was nice meeting you both."

He hurried off before either could respond. Once he was sure he was far away from them, he focused on the goddess of nature that was being a thorn in his side. "Don't ever do that again."

"Do what?" she asked nonchalantly.

"You know exactly what I mean." he growled. "There was something off about those two and you forcing me to respond to you and make myself look crazy wasn't helping me figure out what it was."

"You don't need to get your panties in a bunch, Pittoo." she said.

"Don't call me that!" he interjected.

"Hey! Who's the goddess here? Me or you? I tell you what to do, not the other way around."

"I don't have to listen to you."

"You do if you want to fly." Viridi pointed out. "Besides, I know something was off about them. There's humans wandering all over the Earth like that. But I don't know what they are."

"Aren't you the ruler of the Earth and all living things?" Dark Pit asked.

He could imagine that Viridi was scowling. "Humans are Palutena and Pit's department, not ours. I believe I have made my view of humans very clear."

"Oh yes." Dark Pit agreed. "As Pit would point out, your massive reset bomb visible from space made that plenty clear." He paused for a moment. "Maybe this credits a visit to Skyworld. If you don't know what 'Antonio' and 'Lovino' are, then maybe Palutena will."

"As much as I hate to admit it," Viridi stated, "you're right. And it's going to bother me until I figure out what they are and how much of a threat to nature they pose.

Dark Pit's black wings began to glow green as the goddess of nature gifted him with the power of flight. Dark Pit set off towards Skyworld, where his doppelganger and the goddess of light resided with said goddess' pathetic, yet beloved warriors, the Centurions. As Skyworld floated above what the humans referred to as "Greece," getting there without the power of flight would take days when traveling from Italy. That was the one thing that made Dark Pit grateful Viridi was controlling his wings. The five minute time limit left no room for getting distracted and Viridi could make him go faster, if need be.

Dark Pit arrived on the central island of Skyworld just under the five minute mark. Almost immediately, he heard Palutena's voice. "This is a pleasant surprise. What brings you here, Pittoo."

"Please don't call me that." Dark Pit ordered.

"He's here on business, Palutena." Viridi chimed in, both goddesses ignoring Dark Pit's request.

"Well, come down to my temple. I'll have Pit meet you at the entrance. Just let me call for him; he's training the Centurions." Palutena said. "PIT! COME TO THE TEMPLE IMMEDIATELY!"

"What did I do?!" Pit asked in alarm. "I swear it wasn't me!"

"Oh Pit." Palutena laughed. "You're not in trouble."

"Whew. That's a relief. I'm coming, Lady Palutena."

Dark Pit began to head towards Palutena's temple. Luckily, the islands of Skyworld were close together, so he could just jump or glide from island to island. Finally, he reached the temple, which was the largest island in Skyworld, despite the fact that Palutena and Pit were the only residents, much how he and the goddess of nature were the only residents of Viridi's temple. The two goddesses liked to keep their captains' quarters close to their own incase of an emergency and the fact that neither angel could really go anywhere without the power of flight.

Pit was waiting at the entrance. His sky blue eyes lit up when he saw his twin. "Pittoo! What are you doing here?"

"Don't. Call. Me. Pittoo." Dark Pit snarled through gritted teeth.

"Bring him to my throne room, Pit." Palutena ordered the captain of her guard.

"Aye, aye, Lady Palutena."

The lighter angel lead his darker counterpart through the exquisitely built temple. Large, shiny white marble pillars adorned the entire place. It was mostly an open air temple, with a view of the sky for miles in every direction. A gentle breeze traversed the hallways. The floor was also made of white marble, but it wasn't as shiny as the walls do to the fact Pit lived in the temple and his shoes weren't always the cleanest, but that was a given considering his profession. The walls of the enclosed rooms were made of a gray marble, but they were spotless.

Dark Pit didn't understand how Pit could live in such a clean place considering he was, well… Pit. There were several things he didn't understand about his light counterpart. Like how he seemed to be the only natural angel in existence as Dark Pit had never met another. Yet the gods talked as if there were more and as if it were unnatural that Pit served Palutena the way he did. Another thing Dark Pit couldn't fathom about Pit, why he served Palutena and did it so loyally and followed orders without question. In some of Viridi's rants that Dark Pit had overheard, it was apparently unheard of that Pit was as attached to Palutena as he was because, according to her, angels only served themselves, explaining why Dark Pit was the way he was. And then there was the whole not being able to fly business. Dark Pit understood that was part of Pit's personal life, but considering it affected him, he deserved to know why Pit (and by extension Dark Pit himself) couldn't fly. Pit, being as naive and air headed as he was, was a complete mystery to Dark Pit.

The dark angel was interrupted from his musings about his lighter counterpart when they arrived in Palutena's throne room. The goddess of light smiled at him. "Now we can get down to that business that Viridi sent you here on."

"It's about a couple of humans, actually." Dark Pit told her. "There was something off about them that Viridi and I couldn't place."

Palutena looked troubled. She was about to reply when Pit spoke up. "Did they have an aura that seemed old. Like, maybe older than Hades. And did it seem like they were important and that their eyes seemed to say 'I've seen things you can't even fathom.'"

Palutena and Dark Pit stared at the angel. Viridi spoke up. "How did you know that?"

Pit's cheeks flushed and he looked at his sandals as if they were suddenly the most interesting things in the world. Palutena put her hand under Pit's chin and made him meet her eyes. "Pit, answer Viridi's question."

"I-I- I can't tell you!" he blurted.

Palutena raised an eyebrow. Dark Pit could tell this was a completely new thing to her as Pit told her everything, he assumed. "And why exactly can't you tell me?"

"Because I just can't."

"Pit," the goddess of light said sternly, "I'm ordering you to tell me how you knew exactly what Pittoo was talking about when I myself didn't even know."

"Because I met one of them. When I was in Rome. We looked for that book together. You know, The Atmosphere. I actually met two of them." Pit explained.

"And who are they?" she asked.

Pit hesitated. "Nations."

He quickly ran from the room before he could be interrogated further. Palutena sighed. "I'll talk to him later."

"Well that was unexpected." Viridi commented. "What was he talking about? Looking for a book called The Atmosphere? That's the stupidest thing I ever heard."

"Long story." Palutena said as she sat back down in her throne. "But I think you two got your answer."

"From Pit surprisingly." Viridi added in agreeance. "I can't believe he knew something that you didn't."

"Yes. I'll be asking him more later when he finally decides to reappear." Palutena informed them.

"You're not mad at him for keeping something from you?" Dark Pit asked in surprise.

Palutena shook her head. "Pit's entitled to his secrets; believe me, he has plenty. And it doesn't surprise me that he was the first one to discover these nations. Lately, he's had a habit of wandering the Earth out of sheer boredom and has returned with some pretty interesting stories. Though it appears I'll have to be keeping tabs on his accidental adventures. First the escapade in Caracas and now the discovery in Rome."

Dark Pit could now add another thing to the things that befuddled him about his counterpart. If Lovino and Antonio were nations, which ones could they be? Pit said that he had already met Italy, so Lovino couldn't be Italy. Then again, Pit said the one he met was North Italy. Lovino could be South Italy. And it was obvious that Antonio was Spain as he had blatantly stated that he was "from" Spain and he spoke Spanish.

Dark Pit decided he had gotten his answers. He knew Palutena would get into contact with Viridi when she extracted more information from Pit. The dark angel was just about to leave when Viridi suddenly asked, "What happened in Caracas?"

* * *

 **Agreed. What did happen in Caracas? The world may never know. This is actually fun, writing Kid Icarus/Hetalia crossovers. I replayed Uprising and it got me in the mood for some good old Kid Icarus fanfiction. Kid Icarus Uprising: a videogame that definitely deserves a sequel that doesn't take 25 years to come out. The Hades reveal: Best Villain Reveal In the Entire History of the World. Admit it. The game is supposedly over and the credits are rolling. Here comes Hades as he rips the credits down and says "Sorry to keep YOU waiting." Best plot twist in history. All other villain revelations can go home; Hades saying he's been the villain all along takes the cake. Anyway, I don't own Kid Icarus or Hetalia. Stay tuned! I may do more. ;)**


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